Avoiding the Fatal Pitfall of Personal Change

Imagine trying to swim the length of a pool with a fifty-pound weight strapped to your ankle.

Or walking across a tightrope while a crowd below pelts you with sticks and rocks. Impossible! Regardless of how much you wanted to succeed, you would be dragged down to the bottom of the pool or knocked off the rope in no time at all. Believe it or not, the very same thing may be happening to your goals. And if nothing is done to save them, you'll be dragged away from all of the things you want for good.

Where Does the Problem Come From?

We all have an incredibly powerful need to belong and be accepted. We want to feel loved and wanted by the people in our lives. Can you remember a time when your need to be loved wasn't being met? When you felt unimportant, disconnected, and alone?

It's an extremely difficult emotion to deal with as we all know too well. And this is the cause of the problem. Our need to be connected and loved is so intense that we will sabotage our own success in order to maintain our precious connections. Here is an example. Imagine your goal is to exercise and get in shape. You're not extremely overweight or in any danger, you simply want to take better care of yourself. It's a great goal and something you're really committed to achieving. And then it happens...

'That sounds foolish.'

'Why would you waste your time doing that?' 'Who are you kidding? You know you can't actually stick to it.' These are the weights that pull you down, the rocks that knock you off course. Your friends and family, with the best of intentions, try to pull you away from your goals.

Why Would They Do That?

Because of their need to stay connected with you. If you change and improve yourself, you'll be stepping in to a new life and leave your friends behind. At least that's what they think. This is a frightening thought, and it drives the people in your life to keep you from changing. Improving yourself also forces your close friends to examine their own shortcomings. If everyone aims low, no one can notice. But if one person steps up and aims high, everyone else has proof that they are settling for less. And what do you do in response to these situations? As we've already discussed, you have a deeply rooted need to stay connected with the people around you. Feeling that improving yourself will disconnect you from your friends and family, you'll slowly let go of what could have been great change in your life. 'Maybe they're right, it was a silly idea. I don't know what I was thinking anyway.' Say goodbye to your goal... Even if you are strong enough to stick with your objective, a constant barrage of criticism and doubt will make success impossible. Change is difficult enough. Being surrounded by naysayers adds too many obstacles to the equation. This brings us to one important principle of motivation, one that you can't ignore if you want to improve your life.

The Five-Person Principle

In life, you become your environment. It's only a matter of time before the desires and choices of your peers become yours - and chances are good that it has already happened. Here's a little exercise you can do to really let this ideas ink in. Add up the annual salaries of your five closest friends, divide by five, and see how your salary compares. Do this with health, relationships, happiness, etc. You'll find that nine times out of ten you fall right in the middle. This is the power of your environment. Having higher standards than your peers is an uphill battle. You need to be inspired every day to create and stick with your goals, not told why they are pointless wishes that will never materialize. I know that you want more in life, that's why you are a member of this newsletter. To ensure your success, surround yourself with people who also want more in life. Join organizations whose members share your goals and dreams. Make contact with people around your town and around the world who will inspire you to never settle. It all comes down to this: If you become your environment, make sure yours is one worth mirroring.

What Do I Do Next?

If you have the courage to control your environment and ensure that it inspires you instead of hold you back, you're not finished yet. With that courage comes the amazing opportunity of designing your life by choice and not by chance or circumstance. Take in mind your ideal life. Think about what you would be doing, how you would carry yourself, how you would feel about yourself. Run the images in your mind and imagine that you have already achieved your goals. If this picture is to become a reality, you have to do more than think your way to change. That's almost always an impossible task. You are fighting against years of habits and patterns which will not simply go away.